Somebody Gunna Get Hurt Real Bad

Apparently it's almost Christmas time again. The holiday that won't die. How do I know it's almost Christmas time? Every dumbass has crawled out from under their rock and has invaded every store in the city. Now I'm only going to the store to buy some groceries or to purchase a new afro pick as I couldn't give two shits about this cerebration of stupidity. I would like to park my vehicle, walk into the store, make my small purchases and leave. No, no, no! I have to wade through oceans of douche bags and dumbasses from the shallow end of their gene puddle. Where do these assholes go the rest of the year? Do none of them shop at any other time? Do they all have to shop right now? One of these days I'm going to go on a punching spree in a mall.
Today I started off trying to get something to eat at Kildonan Place but I was almost drowned in stupid. I narrowly escaped with my sanity. I tried out Mongo's Grill across the street and just barely made it without killing anyone. I was served by the most gorgeous waitress I have ever seen named Ashley. Also, I had an ice tea. Nice.
Everything seemed to be going fine at the excessively crowded Superstore. The lack of intelligence was so thick I had to climb aboard a canoe and get taken along by the current. I got my celery, radishes, and egg nog. Yes, bachelor type shopping. Then leaving the parking lot was infuriating. First there were assholes walking behind my vehicle when I tried to back out. Someday I will kill you. Then it took about 10 minutes to leave the parking lot. Normally I could make it out of the city in 10 minutes. This is further proof that during this time of year, people should bring me everything I need. I like to call this new system "Fetch."
In conclusion, there should be an intelligence cut-off for living in society. You must be at least this smart for this ride. I would suggest a "people-zoo" but I think we're already in it.