Racism is Cool!

So, have you ever been in the unfortunate situation of having a conversation with some socialist pig fucker whose so insecure about their latent racist feelings that they say something so ignorant, stupid and racist that you just want drop kick them in the teeth. Here's a gem of an example, "I love black people!" or the classic, "Some of my best friends are black!" First off, how can you possibly love all black people. Or any race for that matter. I personally haven't every person in any particular race therefore I cannot possibly have a valid opinion of any entire race. Furthermore, people are not all the same from any race so the statement is insulting and demeaning. Good work asshole. As for the second statement, I personally choose friends by their personality not their race, so I'm not quite sure how having black friends makes you less racist. Having a friend of another race to make yourself seem liberal or progressive not only makes you a racist and an asshole, but also a bad friend. It would go a long way for the healing of the world if every time somebody said some stupid shit such as the above example and is found to be a complete hypocrite that they are immediately punched right in the head. And if you've used one of those phrases in the past, please, do the world favour and swallow a razor blade. Commie.

As for my column, "Brown Folk Love Superstore." Chill you pussies. It's just a joke. I realize not all "brown folk" love anything. People take themselves way too seriously. If you're still offended, you should probably curl up into the fetal position and spend the next several hours crying about it. Or if you're short on time just go about your business openly weeping. In case you haven't realized yet, if your opinion has no backing and is obviously invalid I will go up one side and down the other of you and use your ideas as toilet paper. Figuratively. And by figuratively, I mean literally. But not really.

In other news, Aaron Epp I believe it was, said he occasionally read my blog. That brings readership up to at least four. I wonder how much government funding I should apply for...

Newness and Cleanliness Make Me Overjoyed

When everything starts to seem old and commonplace I get down in the dumps about everything. That's why I think new things kick ass. Or when I clean up around my car or basement. At work, everything is slowly changing. Some changes are better than others. We now have meetings every Monday morning. For someone like myself, who has always just been an expendable grunt it seems very strange. During these meeting every employee must come up with a goal for the week and describe how we implemented last weeks goal. Which after a couple of months now it becoming difficult to come up with achievable goals. One of mine was to get going on having the delivery van decalled with the company logo. I made a logo disk and found a company for an estimate. But while I was making the logo disk I decided for fun to alter our logo by adding some black and grey stripes and emailed it to our manager. I said it would look good on touque. He decided to show it to the owner of the company and they are considering using my version on the van. That would be cool because then I could continually point that out and be a pompous ass. "Check it out. Those stripes there. I did that." Ahh, that's hilarious. That is, it arouses great merriment in me. Next I want an external mount for my two-wheeler. It keeps dripping melted snow and rain off its tires and wrecks toilet paper and paper towels in my van. Blast!